I Am A Grieving Mummy

Hello ppl..

You guys might be thinking that I'm still carrying my angels.. Nope, not at the moment!

I took quite some time for me to regain my strength to write this blog, every time I tried, i broke myself into tears.. But today, i feel responsible to update you what's went on to me from the last couple of months..

Well, it was about my 9th weeks pregnant, i was scheduled to meet Dr Wong to check whether there is a heartbeat or not.. YES, there was! I was thrilled!! But, Dr Wong looked concern and it took him a while to tell me that the baby was not inside my uterus... For a moment, i feel like my world's crashed.. :( Dr Wong told me that it MIGHT be another ectopic and asked me to immediately undergo a laparoscopy to see what was going on there. In other words, the pregnancy will have to be terminated!

I bravely said to Dr Wong to seek for a second opinion. And yes, my husband and I straight away went to the nearby hospital; SJMC or Sime Darby Medical Centre. The Dr there opined the same. As i was browsing the internet, i read someone survived an ectopic which was treated by Dr Ahmad in Putrajaya Hospital. I then, asked my husband drove me to Putrajaya Hospital, with hope to see Dr Ahmad.

On the way to Putrajaya, i started to feel pain in my lower abdomen. The pain was somewhat familiar, and yes, it was the pain i felt during my 1st ectopic. The difference was that, i wasn't had the heavy bleeding. Not a drop of blood coming from my vagina! 

As soon as i reach Putrajay Hospital, i was taken to the emergency room, and was rushed to see Dr. Dengan kuasa Allah yang Maha Esa, I met Dr Ahmad. Dr Ahmad then examined me, and he told me that it was not an ectopic pregnancy, my baby was in my uterus, but was on the left side of my uterus. The pregnancy was called as CORNUAL PREGNANCY.. Although it wasn't an ectopic, but cornual pregancy is as dangerous as an ectopic if not removed immediately. The reason why there's no bleeding from my vagina is because i was having an internal bleeding. That moment, Dr Ahmad told me that my whole uterus as well the outer part of my uterus has already full with blood.

Half and hour later, i found myself in the OT, and few hours later, I wasn't a MUMMY anymore. In other words, i lost my baby at 9th weeks of my pregnancy.. sad! :(

Later after that, i was told by Dr Ahmad that i was actually carrying TWINS, One of the twins didn't make it due to the position of the babies.

Now, i wonder, what is a CORNUAL PREGNANCY? Why does this happen to me? I've googled about it and i found out that only 2% women in the WORLD who had this pregnancy. This is extremely rare case for pregnancy. My question is that, will I or will I not get pregnant again? Do u know that Dr had cut the uterus to remove the baby? Will my uterus heal by now?


Ya Allah,
mengapa berat sangat ujian kau beri pada aku?


I'm still grieving and crying,. I might look happy and strong, but actually, I'm good in pretending..