Post Baby Loss Trauma

Well, after the surgery to remove the baby, I couldn't stop crying.. Everything that I do, tears will accompany me. I decided to go back to work, just to keep myself busy.

Yes, working does help. With all the stress, fussy clients and boss, I managed to move on with my life. I even lost tremendous amount of weight. I dont really have appetite to eat.

As I looked at all the hospital bills, ever since i started with the infertility treatment, i came to a knowledge that, till date, I've spent almost RM200k in 2 years.. That includes all the supplements that I took, berurut here and there, procedures, medicines, etc etc..

Wow, my husband and I are officially BROKE! There's no more money in our savings and instantly, we've decided to postpone our FET till next year.

But, Allah has his mysterious way in dealing with our lives..

And few days ago, my husband was offered a job in London, and again, they are doubling his current salary. And again  i wonder, is this the "hikmah" that i was looking for?

We felt the suffering when we had to deal with the infertility treatments, we lost our savings.. but Allah is replacing all the loss with something else..

I'm starting to believe that Allah knows everything best, rather we knew everything about ourselves. The hikmah from all that i gathered from the past few days are as follows:

1. Should I am pregnant now, my husband wouldn't be able to be there with me during delivery, as he will be in London on that time;
2. Should I am pregnant now, we would not be celebrating our 3rd anniversary in overseas.


Well, truly I am thankful to Allah.. Although, deep in heart, im still longing to have my own baby.. but for now, let me just concentrate with my career, ok? I think, my boss need me more than i need to have my own baby.. hehehe!