FET Update - 8dpfet

So I thought that I'm strong enough to accept whatever fate bestowed upon me...

This morning, when i POAS, the result turned to be a BFN! Maybe, some might said that this is too early.. Some might said the my beta will initially increase in 2/3 days..

credit to google

But look, this is my 4th IVF cycle already.. I know the fact that if the UPT is negative by now, it means that my HCG level in my blood is very low.. The HCG level will increase about 100-200% in 2 days.. But if let say today my Beta HCG level is 0, in 2 days it is still considered low, right?

Okok, to be honest, I feel a bit sad.. Sad because i think, this is the best cycle that i've experienced thus far.. I've put soo much effort for this cycle. Some of the things that i've done pre-FET are as follows:

1. The longest Folic Acid that ive ever consumed before treatment.. everyday without fail for the last 6 months!

2. Other ppl wuld go BEKAM treatment for at least twice a year.. But, for this FET cycle, I've been through all the pain in BEKAM treatment for 3 times already within 4 months.. The most painful spot for BEKAM is definitely.. tummy! heeeee...

3.  Been eating tons of supplement just like my previous entry here; PLUS 5 other supplements recommended by my TTC friend (inspired by Ning Baizura's successful attempt... YES! She is pregnant already) which includes Olive Oil, Extra Virgin Olive Oil, Pomegranate Vinegar, Pomegranate Concentrate, Apple Vinegar... Vinegar??? YES i ate raw vinegar every morning...

4. I took the hurdle to go to Sg Petani just to see Mak Lang (even though i was a bit skeptical in berurut kinda of thing)..

5. During the ET, instead for taking normal mineral/plain water to make my bladder full, i took air zam-zam instead.. My DH and I went all over to find original air zam-zam, and we ended up paying hundreds just to have a bottle of air zam-zam..


Okok, by looking at the list above made me wanna cry already.. If i am truly not pregnant as predicted, I wonder will I do in my next cycle of IVF (if any)? Oooh, will there be any after this? To be truthful to all of you, we've spent every last penny in this treatment.. Furthermore, will I ever get anymore leaves from my firm? I've been missing from the office for quite sometimes now for the last 2 years..

Ya Allah, too much things playing in my mind right now.. Will Allah ever hear my prayers? What have i done ya rabb for me to encounter all these?

Dear baby angels,
Will mummy be disappointed again this time around?
Is this a sign that I will never ever gonna see you?

 Make me strong.. ya Allah, ya Rabb, ya Musawwir, Ya Wahhab....